to be completely honest, the original motivation behind me making a neocities was >Hypnospace Outlaw< LOL. i dont remember almost any oldweb stuff apart from a gag candy website that my brother used to beg our mom to let him get stuff from; i really only used the computer to play shit like Jumpstart so i never got exposed to anything on the web until later when ig facebook started getting huge. oh and vampirefreaks but like. that was a pedophile museum

anyways, i 100% Hypnospace in april of last year, and even though i played it completely wrong the first time through, my second playthrough i took my time and enjoyed seeing all the sites made by its denizens. it made me nostalgic for oldweb stuff even though i had never been apart of it. i probably saw a tumblr post not long after that about neocities and what it was, and then proceeded from there.

this account sat abandoned until august of this year though, i didnt remember any of the html i had learned in school and css was almost completely foriegn to me so i immediately got frustrated with trying to figure out how to make stuff look good. and lol i didnt realize i had to hard refresh my page to see changes. but i came back from visiting family and was suddenly possessed to figure all this out, so here we are.

i know this website is going to go through a fuck ton of changes, but hopefully i can make it into a nice corner of the internet for myself :3

cross posted from my tumblr, og post is >here contains spoilers for Bunny by Mona Awad

ive got thots about bunny by mona awad i need to repeat like 50000 times to get them off my mind

first of all . people really gotta like. gain reading comprehension or at least some sort of threshold for any weirdness at all im just completely mind boggled by the general reception to this book being like �augh its so weird and crazy� girl no its not. i know my own threshold for weird/fucked content is fucking batshit compared to the common man but bunny to me is so clearly about repressed desires and also jealousy to some degree like. it was pointed out to me my read of this book was completely cronenbergian but like . YEAH

like samantha is so insanely repressed and also ashamed of of what she creates she goes on and on and on about the Bunnies being pink and pristine and PRAISED for everything they do and she hates it cause she can tell they are being fake about it meanwhile shes doing the same thing (being fake in a different way) andbeing like . ostracized for it

she gets so lonely after the lion cuts her off that she accidentally turns a swan into her soulmate through thinking at it hard enough about her desires and then she accidentally does it again when looking at a stag and creates a version of herself that everyone wants/likes and is not afraid to speak his mind.

and both those things happen to be what the Bunnies are trying and failing to do bc ??? idk their hearts arent in the right place and theyre trying to create something for use and not as an expression of actual feelings and thats why they fail? (like a reflection of their writing; theyre trying to make something to please others and a weird like . reflection of beauty ? thats entirely made up and objective. its one dimensional and flat so their Darlings r one dimensional and flat and cannot serve a complex purpose)

Ava comes into being bc sam wants to be understood and not left alone ever again and max comes into being bc the Bunnies essentially cut her off from Ava and she feels like shes failing at what they want from her and she wants them to like her even though she dislikes them and because shes incapable of saying what she actually feels

sams in a cycle of seeking approval from people she dislikes and then doesnt get it and its clearly having some effect on her considering it seemingly obliterates her ability to write?? but then the Bunnies inadvertently snap her back to reality by killing Ava and ill be real the ending is just sorta There for me i dont entirely care about the fact that sam like. Realizes she has to actual work for her desires and happiness or whatever and comes to her senses about how dumb seeking approval from the Bunnies is

its just. desire corrupts but it also creates and transforms and a lot of in universe talk mentions like The Process and its like. yeah. creation. complex topic with a lot of bullshit im losing my thoughts now im going to wind up talking in circles